The Perseids
This is the most powerful week of the year for me personally. A lot of monumental life altering things have happened during this calendar week over the course of my life. Dan was born during this calendar week, we started dating during this week, and he died during this week. Ed and I started dating this week. My grandmother’s birthday was this week and many other things. My history has taught me to pay attention.
It took me years to realize it’s the height of the Perseid meteor shower every year. Seems right that the night would sparkle in celebration of everything for me every year. It’s electric.
It’s a lot.
I’m more fragile than usual and sometimes so much so, I can’t even tell until I’m right on over the edge. It can come out of nowhere. Everything is at the surface; love, joy, grief. It’s all right there to call upon and sometimes overwhelming. My body can often feel it coming before my brain can. My emotions are not regulated the same. I typically withdraw a bit and try to be kind to myself to give myself a little breathing room.
Last year on Dan’s death anniversary, I created one of the most powerful paintings of my life. I knew I needed to paint about Dan’s transcendence so I decided to paint about it right on the day. It’s different from anything else I’ve ever created in my life. It’s simple and pure and a powerful statement.
I remember I was literally waiting for paint to dry, cleaning my computer from the 50 tabs or more I had opened on my browser, when I came upon a tab I have no recollection of ever seeing before. It was a definition of the Hebrew word “Ruach.” I had never even heard that word before. It can refer to something physical, like the wind or a person's breath, or something spiritual, like the Holy Spirit or a person's inner self or the span of a whole life. I knew immediately that was the name of this painting.
It was such a powerful experience with my art. I am learning more and more about how art impacts each of us. It’s so intimate and personal. It’s a privilege to witness.
My job this week is to quiet my spirit, to make enough space to pay attention, to allow whatever may or may not present itself. This is a week to create, to make. I try to honor what God has gifted me–I try to honor what I know Dan would want. I celebrate with the night sky. My paints are ready and here I sit.
