Taking Stock
The fiery red and orange have settled into shades of warm paprika and cinnamon. The skies have greyed and the branches are mostly bare. It’s surprising how the landscape changes just because the leaves are down and the light hits different. I’m struck again with the beauty of starkness.
On a drive this weekend, I noticed the damage from last spring’s ice storm is undeniably revealed. The visible evidence of lost limbs both old and recent is no longer hidden. Trees still bent, unable to recover from the weight of the ice load. Even the echoes of the wounds on the land from long ago glaciers can be seen if you’re looking.
Fall is a soft laying bare. Grateful for the harvest and relieved to put the work of it down in equal parts. It somehow feels like an acknowledgement and remembrance of all the scars of past sorrows. It’s like the world can’t hold it all and has to put it down. All becomes clear. Fall feels like a confession, a repentance, and forgiveness to me… What are we holding and what are we letting go?
After my late husband died, my calendar was permanently reset. Fall begins my year in this new life of mine. My calendar starts with a forgiveness of sorts. I’ve learned that grief over what we’ve lost can soften and lead to a whole new level of creativity and growth if we let it. I have to choose to soften with it. Still. Again and again.
After a whirlwind of productivity this fall to make everything more sustainable for the long haul, it’s time to sit back and let the changes settle in. I have to get used to a new way of doing and maybe even a new way of being. Time to wait and see how what I did will shift my work, my painting, even my lifestyle. I’m glad for what has changed. I’m embracing the winter as a time to learn to live within this change. I long to settle in to see what it will birth. What new season are you waiting for?
Maybe the greatest grace of fall, is the reminder that death is the true beginning. Grief is a creative genesis. Let’s fold our hands and bow our heads in gratitude of the wonder that fall is really the start of something new.
